Pissed Off Ferret

“Let’s go to Cancun, “she said. “It’s a free trip, it will be fun, margaritas, beach, and sun,” she said. “We’ll never have to see this fucker again,” she said. Oh, promises, promises, promises. And will you take a look at where I am now. Actually, I really don’t even know where the hell I am. I haven’t found any readable signs and no one speaks my language. But I do know that I am absolutely alone now. This was supposed to be the last time that I ever saw that sweaty, foul smelling, ferret kicking maniac. Little did I know that it was all a trick to leave me stranded in the middle of nowhere. Now I’ve got the sun beating down on my back, I feel like I’m overheating with all this fur, and don’t even ask about the smell. I haven’t eaten anything descent in three days; my stomach feels like it’s shrinking with every step I take. My coat is all knotted up; my tail covered in feces. And just an hour ago I almost got eaten by a group of rabid Chihuahuas. So now it’s just me; fearless ferret against the world. Who knew they would come here and resuscitate their dead, rotting love and forget all about me? They were never in love, they hated each other! They would have ripped each other to shreds if it weren’t for me. I am so incredibly pissed. I offered comfort to this lady when she would pathetically cry over that whorish devil of a man. I even allowed her to dress me up in the most ridiculous dresses, paint my nails hot pink, and tie bows on my tail, when she knows that I am a male ferret! She even gets drunk and carries me around and shoves me in her friend’s faces, but did I ever object to any of that demeaning treatment? NEVER! And now she wants to abandon me forever for that loser? What a two faced bitch. That’s the last time I be anyone’s lap ferret. Never again. I hope their happy when they get back to their stuff and see that it is completely ravaged. Ripped up purses with shredded straps and torn, urine soaked traveler’s checks and pesos. Passports exchanged to the cleaning lady for my escape and her promise to not ever come back to the room. I hope the stench of my horribly rotting crap turns their colons to mush and makes then defecate for days like I did. And what was the moral of my story? First of all, never trust anyone, no matter how much you truly believe they have your best interests in mind. And as for their moral? Never, ever, turn your back on a ferret. Or else, you know what, you’ll find yourself stranded in a foreign country, no papers, no money, and no cute, adorable ferret to lay your head on and cry. She just lost the best thing she ever had.